Disconnecting from the Connected World

My iPad and iPhone. They are both a boon and a bane.

I don’t deny it — I love my iDevices. I know that maternity this second time round was not as isolating an experience as it was the first time because I had adult conversation at my fingertips. Whatsapp, e-mails, twitter and facebook kept me in touch with my friends and in tune with what was going on outside our four walls. I could check in when I wanted and find conversation. I could read the news and friends’ blogs. And yes, I could also online shop. What’s there not to love, right?

But lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve become a bit too addicted to my phone. On normal days, my iPhone rarely leaves my hand. I bring it round everywhere I go, from room to room, and I can always find something to do with it. It buzzes as SMSes, whatsapp messages come in, and I check my phone. Usually I’ll stop what I’m doing to answer. I check e-mail, check facebook, check twitter, check instagram, and then I do it all over again. I check google reader and clear new posts. I snap some photos. And I’m always finding something to google. Sometimes my phone even, you know, rings! And I use it to have a conversation.

DD has commented more than once on my need to be fiddling with my phone, but I chose to ignore him.

But lately, my conscience has been troubled and I felt like I had to re-look at my phone usage and reduce it. This was probably triggered by a number of things:

(1) The fact that Naomi makes a beeline for my phone every time she sees it. Initially she would pounce on it and press it to her ear and say “Hi!”, which I think is fairly acceptable behaviour. But lately what she wants is to make me activate the phone (or at least cause the screen to light up), and she would then flash me a big grin and walk around or laze around staring at it. I had an uncomfortable feeling that was what I looked like to her most of the time.

(2) A couple of weeks back, Noey asked me for a pen and some paper to write a note to his friend. I gave them to him and left him to it. DD later called me over to see what he wrote:

DD and I had a good laugh over it when we saw what he wrote (including the fact that he had clearly tried to spell “message” phonetically and used “h” for the name of the letter instead of its sound). But it also gave me pause. Did he write that because that’s what he’s heard me saying? Is that how he thinks you communicate with your friends and did he learn that from my example?

(3) My bible study has been leading me to consider temptations in my life and refocusing on God. On reflection, I felt that being distracted by my phone was one of the things I wanted to overcome.

And so, I decided about a week ago to cut down on the incessant checking. I disabled a whole bunch of notifications from my social networking apps and turned off most of the alerts, and breathed a sigh of relief. I stopped checking facebook, twitter and e-mail quite as often  (I still indulge in instagram a bit more), saving it for the moments when the children are asleep, or when I’m out and about and have a pocket of time. And no, that’s not when I’m in the car at a stop light.

It’s been somewhat easier than I thought. Maybe because I prayed for strength. It just took a conscious effort on my part on the first couple of days, and then I stopped missing it. I can’t keep up with online chatter now till the end of the day, unless there’s an opportune break. That also means I’m missing out on the latest news —  I completely forgot and missed out on nomination day drama for the Hougang by-election, for example — but it’s no big deal, is it? In return, I feel like I’ve had more “real” time with the kids, and I’m very happy about that.

It’s only been a week, but I hope I can keep it up. I know I can’t expect to phase out the use of social apps in my life. The truth is, I don’t want to. All of it has enabled me to keep in touch with friends, both near and far, let my husband have a glimpse of what is going on at home while he’s in the office, and helped me make new friends too. Google has also helped keep the kids fed on recipes and answered many of Noey’s “why?” questions. Being online on my phone also helps me stay sane while I’m cooped up in the room waiting for Noey to fall asleep. (Though that said, I had so much fun telling silly stories with Noey tonight just before bedtime, I think I’ll drop the screen time in favour of some of that next time.)

I guess what I’m saying is what everyone knows: moderation is the key. The problem is recognising and acknowledging that your phone usage is not moderate. Once you realise that, it’s about finding a balance that works for everyone in your life. I know I don’t want the image of me constantly on my phone to be my kids’ memory of me.

Please, God, help me keep this up!