It’s been about half a year since I first mentioned Noey’s fondness for my elbow. In the months that have followed, I have realised, to my dismay, that his liking for it has not abated. If anything, it has intensified. This wouldn’t be as bad I think if not for the fact that, by a quirk of nature, I happen to be a person who absolutely cannot stand excessive physical contact. I need my own space and I don’t like people touching me unnecessarily. DD can’t help but crack up when I silently (or sometimes not so silently) tear my hair out in frustration over the needless pawing from Noey that I put up with just to help him to get to sleep. 15 mins I can take, but when it reaches or exceeds 45 mins, I go slightly insane and have an urgent need to shove him off.
We tried once to get Noey to stop feeling up my elbow or in the alternative, my leg. (Don’t ask.) He cried for more than an hour before he was so tired he fell asleep. I went to sleep feeling like a horrible person. I braced myself for the next day, but this boy, he learns fast. He knew not to push it when I told him no, but that didn’t stop him from making a grab at my elbow then smiling like it was a joke when I refused him, or from casually stretching out a foot, or an arm to carelessly brush past my elbow, as if by accident. Maybe he thought I wouldn’t notice. I couldn’t help but laugh at his efforts.
As things usually happen, we slipped up somewhere along the way. It was probably my fault — I always slip down the slippery slope, thinking that it wouldn’t matter this once, and before you know it, he’s demanding my elbow at naptime and bedtime, and I’m back to tearing my hair out again. Only this time it’s slightly worse, because he would randomly grab my elbow, even in the daytime, if it was in a convenient spot. I could be mooching on the couch with my arm resting on the backrest and he would clamber up next to me and stroke my elbow happily. It was like a drug habit and he was a total junkie.
This continued till sometime last week, when he was not able to fall asleep for nearly 4 hours. He had fallen asleep at around 7.30pm on route back from my parents’ place, woke up at around 10.30pm when DD and I got home, and just couldn’t fall back asleep. As usual, after the nearly an hour of elbow stroking, I couldn’t take it anymore and told him there would be no elbow that night. I decided I had to stand my ground and cut this habit once and for all. He tried to reach for my leg, and I had to tell him that was out of bounds too. He tried ways and means — using his arm to touch my leg, using his feet, even at one point trying to use his bum to rub against my leg. He even tried to explain to me what he was doing, as if I didn’t understand. “Noey touch! Noey use Noey’s foot to touch!” and later, “Noey use Noey’s bum bum to touch Mummy’s leg!”. DD, highly amused by the whole situation, pointed out that it was pretty impressive that he was able to articulate what he wanted so well. On hindsight it was pretty funny though I didn’t find it quite as funny then.
It was nearly 2am when he finally fell asleep, with a leg thrown over mine, which were hiding under the covers.
The next day, I again braced myself for battle, only to realise yet again, that it was unnecessary. I turned to Noey before bedtime and told him firmly that there would be no elbow or leg that night and to my surprise, he agreed. Even more amazingly, he simply turned while lying beside me and fell asleep within 15 mins. My conclusion from that was that God truly knows how much I can take.
Since then, there’s been a strict no elbow and leg policy for bedtime. There have been occasional tears, but by and large he is taking it rather well. We’re still some ways from eliminating the fetish altogether though. He still makes a grab for my elbow randomly throughout the day, and often during naptimes. I guess I don’t mind as long as it is not prolonged, seeing the comfort he derives from it.
Hmmm, something tells me I might still be writing an elbow post 6 months down the road. Ugh.
Haha all this elbow talk is so funny! <br /><br />But I totally know what you mean about not liking excessive contact – Sean still nurses to sleep and some nights, he takes such a long time (exceeding an hour) with my boob, it takes me every ounce of restraint in my body not to SCREAM and shove him off. <br /><br />After that, I simply cannot take any more touching or cuddling, not from the
hee..not sure if you remember..my boy also have the 'elbow' problem..I tried to stand my ground and not give in but the most he lasted for is one night and he is back at it again…<br /><br />Somehow, the elbow problem seems to be worse than the pacifier which we had no problem getting rid of. If only the elbow could be thrown away… :P<br /><br />Till then, me and hub could only joke
Kate still has this inner elbow crease thing but I put my foot (ok arm) down at poking/any movt. I tell her firmly "HOLD". and she parrots it back to me. <br /><br />I used to be rather smug that she was not dependent on pacifier/bottle/blankie/lovey/boob but this elbow crease thing is really her security blanket. even in the carseat she demands 'arm arm arm!'<br /><br />i
LOL! I am exactly like you – I hate to be touched excessively and I get very crabby when the girls – Alison especially – like to come and touch here touch there, stroke here stroke there. Eeyuh! But yeah, there's no good way to fob them off without seeming like a complete troll of a mom so I just grin and bear it.
Hi, new here but got interested in this post because I was trying to see how mummies cope with kids with their so called security stuff. For your boy is the touch of your elbow, arm or leg. (haha, i know it's not funny for u but juz felt kinda tickled!). For some the pacifier. For my girl, who's going 2 in 2 months time, is her little hanky. She has so many hankies and lost as many along
haha, it's funny but i'm the exact same way – i'm not really touchy feely and i can't really tolerate extended periods of snuggling. <br /><br />meredith used to nurse to sleep and wake every hr and a half to nurse, and morgan wasn't much different. the only way i managed to wean them off of it was to put them in their own bed. drastic, but it was necessary for my sanity. can&
heehee, this is so funny but I know it's probably not to you at times 🙂 We still have our cloth – about 20 of them which I change everyday – she sucks on it now so some days when we're out I get slapped around with this soaking wet cloth. I don't see us getting rid of it anytime soon too…
this was hilarious reading and made me laugh out loud rather embarrassingly on the train :p
Thanks, everyone, for your wonderful stories and for letting me know that I'm not the only one with issues about all that touching and feeling!<br /><br />olimomok :: oh yes, i remember before it was the elbow, it was the same for us and the boob as well. and i wasn't so kind — i did shove him off when it dragged on past an hour and i couldn't take it any more! to think i was so
I have just found your posts (7 years later). Its early hours of the morning and I’ve been googling if anyone out there has a toddler who uses their mums elbow for comfort. I can now rest knowing its not only me..albeit your son is much older now. My sons name is also Noah…coincidence?! Ha. Noah storms towards me…elbow elbow..then proceeds to jam it into his eye sockets, rolling it all over his face like a massage but with so much force..He will be 3 next month. I am hoping he will grow out of it. Lets see..
Hi Jinny, wow, this brings back memories 🙂 For the record, my son is now 9 years old and he no longer goes for my elbow, so yes I’m sure your Noah will grow out of it too. Now that I think about it, I can’t quite remember when he stopped going for it, but for many years, it was unusual for me to find him sneakily reaching out to stroke my elbow while he was sitting next to me on the couch. It did use to bother me but now it’s faded into a fond memory. I’m sure to it would be the same for you as well!