Live Together In Perfect Harmony…

After 6 weeks of staying with us, my MIL moved home earlier this week. 

Yes, 6 weeks!

Honestly, if you told me that we’d be living together for such an extended period of time before we embarked on it, I would have had my reservations. But there was no choice about it. My MIL was undertaking some pretty extensive renovations of her home and it was just not practical for her to be staying there with her furniture all stacked up, dust everywhere and the workers tramping all over her home. So she came to stay with us.

I think it is to her credit that the entire experience was rather a pleasant one. Certainly, it was far more painless than I had anticipated it to be. My MIL is very neat and her home is extremely clean. Messy me was nervous. I gave the house one good spring clean before she arrived and prayed that it would be good enough! Of course, the house wasted no time in reverting to its natural state, but my MIL was really very kind and never once mentioned the state of our home. She did advise DD a couple of times to pack up his study, but she did not ever say anything of that sort to me. Not even when there were bags of stuff all over in the run-up to Noey’s party, and craft and goody bag items fighting with us for space at the dining table.

Instead, I found that I was enjoying the occasional extra pair of hands at home. The children also got used to having Nai-nai around all the time. Nomi would go harass her when she saw the bedroom or toilet door closed. Noey roped her in as an extra playmate when I wasn’t at home. By and large, I think Nai-nai enjoyed their company too.

Reading Chinese jokes! Now, that’s something I definitely would not have done with my son!

Which isn’t to say that the arrangement wasn’t without its difficulties. I tried to go about my usual routine as much as possible, but was self-conscious about what I was doing, how my food tasted, and how I disciplined the children. I didn’t cook Western food as often I usually would since I knew my MIL wasn’t so fond of it and I really did miss it. It was more logistically challenging moving everyone around in the weekend. My parents also weren’t as comfortable popping by and hanging around so I didn’t see them much except when I brought the kids over. 

Out to the park for a walk, Nomi gives her best posed smile.

So while I think the overall family bonding experience was a positive one, I am very glad to have my own space again. Maybe more so than my husband. When I told him that I was glad that I didn’t need to consciously try to be neater, he rolled his eyes and asked me “how is trying to be neater a bad thing??” Hah.

Some things I learnt from the experience about living harmoniously:

1) When you don’t agree with what is said, if you can let it slide, let it slide.

2) Try to acknowledge a different view point, even if it’s not something you’ll automatically agree with. There is usually some common ground that you can agree with (and latch on to for dear life).

3) When in doubt, just keep quiet.

4) When you need to complain, complain to your husband in private to get it out of your system.

5) It helps to remind yourself that you are setting a good example to your kids with your own behaviour. Puts things in perspective.

6) Prayer helps! And works!

While not an experience I want to repeat in the near future, at least I know now that if called on to do it again, I will, with God’s grace, be able to do it again. It’s back to regular programming in this household now and that’s the way I like it.