Milking It

Before Noah was born, I gave myself a 6-month timeframe for breastfeeding. I hadn’t contemplated going any further. But with Noah’s 6 month milestone coming up, I’ve been wondering “what next?” and the answer for now at least is fairly obvious — keep going at it for as long as I have supply until he’s established on 3-meals a day. Or until he has teeth and bites me and I decide that enough is enough!

It’s all a bit anti-climatic I guess, but I’m glad I actually have the choice to make.

I have not discussed my breastfeeding journey thus far, mostly because it’s just something you do, isn’t it? You have a baby, you feed him. I’ve also been somewhat embarrassed by how easy it has been. Then again, I’d twice started writing this post and both times I’ve ended up getting blocked ducts — the only 2 serious cases of blocked ducts I have suffered over these 5+ months. A tragic coincidence perhaps, but also a timely reminder not to take my rather smooth journey in breastfeeding for granted.

Before delivery I wasn’t under any illusions that breastfeeding would come easy. I had friends everywhere tell me that it was the hardest thing they’d ever done, and that it is something that may have to be learnt by both mother and baby as it may not come naturally. Huijuan, a dear church friend who was also pregnant at that time shared with me her struggles breastfeeding her first baby, and in between praying for me, also encouraged me not to view having to formula-feed a failure on my part. Incidentally, she also advised me to do regular breast massage in the late stages of pregnancy which I think helped supply get going.

I was fully prepared for difficulties and repeatedly drummed into DD the fact that if the breastfeeding didn’t work out, formula would be fine as well. I also didn’t buy any breastpumps pre-delivery, figuring they would be a waste of money if I didn’t establish breastfeeding in the end.

As it turned out, God was good — Noah and I were a good fit, and we have had a good breastfeeding relationship since the first time I latched him on in the delivery room within an hour of his arrival. When I anxiously asked all the nurses and the lactation consultant at the hospital to check his latch (because I couldn’t believe I would get it right just like that), they told me his latch was perfect, and that he could in fact be a model for breastfeeding demonstrations.

After initial worries about milk kicking in subsided, I found myself with a different set of problems than I had expected — I had a good supply and was constantly leaking milk. Urgh. Paired with the fact that I was always feeling SO HOT post-partum, I was sweaty and sticky, which is NOT a great combination. I took 2-3 baths a day while on confinement (still do) and I can’t imagine going without.

Engorgement was also not fun. There were days when I found myself sitting by Noey’s cot in the middle of the night hoping he would wake up and RELIEVEEEE MEEEE. And days when I just went to pump anyway while he slept just so that I could sleep. (This is particularly ironic now that he keeps waking up and I’m hoping he would sleep continuously for a longer stretch!) I also have a permanent ache in my shoulder from cradling his head just so. I tried using a breastfeeding pillow but found that it just got in the way.

And there are the battle scars. To avoid giving too much information, let’s just say that my breasts will never to be same again. SIGH.

Most of all, I think I never realised how much of a commitment breastfeeding would be. You cannot go out without baby (or a pump) for extended periods or you’ll risk engorgement, blocked ducts, or potential drops in supply. You cannot wear whatever you want if you need to breastfeed because there has to be easy and convenient access. You cannot simply eat any old thing because it would pass through your milk to your baby. Aside from restrictions on alcohol and caffine, there’s also the risk of allergies that has me cutting back on my intake of shellfish for example. And you’re hungry all the time.

Now that I’m back at the office, I have to factor in regular pumping sessions. It’s disruptive, but again, God has provided and I got permission to use a newly created room right beside my cubicle that has conveniently been vacated for pumping, which has saved me time and trouble since the official lactation room is on a separate floor.

There are moments when I find myself wishing that I could have my life and my body back to myself. And yet, I love holding him while he nurses and knowing that this is our time, just him and me. And I also love it when he falls asleep after nursing, contented and utterly peaceful. I will miss that when we eventually wean. It is also very satisfying to kiss his cheeks and chubby thighs and know that they are all the result of my hard work!

With introduction of solid food, his dependence on milk will gradually reduce. And if we have to introduce formula becuase supply can’t keep up, so be it. But in the meantime, we will continue our nursing journey, Noey and me.

Hurray for more milk-milk!

(As a side note, breastfeeding has been highly effective in helping me lose the pregnancy weight. Well, that and lugging my 8kg baby around all over. I now weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy!)