Over the past week, I was reminded again that when it comes to managing relationships, specifically relationships with parents, it really does not matter if you think you’ve got a lot on your plate. The fact that you’re juggling work in the office and from home, tending to a sick child, appointments with the contractor in far-flung regions, appointments with movers, appointments with the carpenter, appointments with the Paediatrician… all these are irrelevant to the fact that you failed to show timely care and concern when you ought to have.
I have resolved not to be bitter or to feel wronged. Yes, parents can be demanding but, in many respects, perhaps they have earned the right to be, after all that they have done for me over the years. Being a parent myself, I now better appreciate their sacrifices too.
It is no conincidence that the second table of the Law starts with the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” (Exodus 20:12). The first commandment with a promise is also the most fundamental in our relationships with others and underlines what it means to love thy neighbour.
It’s not that I don’t want to honour my parents. I do. And I think I do honour them, but if they don’t feel the same way then I’m not succeeding very well, am I? On reflection, I think the differences arise in part because my parents and I have very different views of how our relationship should be. You can say that I come from the take-little-and-give-little position — I don’t expect my parents to bail me out. I prefer to find my own way, struggle through my own issues, solve my own problems. In return I expect you to do the same. My parents are people to whom the relationship should be one where you give-much-and-take-much. They are very generous, but in return, they expect the same. It hasn’t been easy to find a happy middle ground.
It doesn’t help that I am also much less of a people-person, as compared to my sister. She has certainly inherited a great deal more of my Dad’s quality of putting others before himself. I don’t begrudge my sister for her loving, generous ways, but the comparison does always make me look bad!
It’s July and half a year has gone by. Perhaps it is timely to stop, take stock, and look ahead to the rest of the year.
The weekend past was a reminder yet again that on top of being a better mother, I have to be a better daughter. A better daughter-in-law. A better niece. A better sister. A better friend.
Thank God I have a husband who does not require me to be a better wife, but I probably shouldn’t take him for granted, should I?
If there's something you don't need to be better at, it will be writing 🙂 Thanks for sharing this. I'm convinced God led me to this entry today. One of my prayers is that I will not be a burden to Bubbles – including being an emotional burden. This stems from my struggle with having to deal with expectations of my parents (mainly mum) that are often so difficult that I sometimes feel
corsage :: thanks for sharing babe — i e-mailed you! didn't want to ramble on too much here. it has been very encouraging for me to hear from you too.
Don't feel too bad. I'm a terrible terrible daughter. Am also trying to do more whilst they are still around, cos I know I'll regret it when they are not. But sometimes it can be so hard!