The 8th at The Pelican

On Tuesday, the husband and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary.

That we were able to celebrate at all is a testament to our relationship, I think, since we got unhappy with each other that very afternoon over the very same issue of celebrating our wedding anniversary. It was all a bit trivial, and yet, it was also not. In a way I guess it was really one of those underlying things that needs just the tiniest sparks to come rushing to the surface.

What I’ve learnt from years of marriage, however, is that:

– If I’m going to say something hurtful, I don’t say it.

– If what I’m going to say will probably be construed as nagging, I don’t say it.

– If I have nothing positive to say, I keep quiet.

– Holding on to unhappy feelings only makes me unhappier.

– By giving in a little, I always get more back.

– Despite everything, I still love my husband very much.

I’m sure the husband has his own rules, and I dare say they aren’t very different.

That was how we sorted it through and ended up going out to dinner at The Pelican. It was DD’s choice and it turned out really well. You know what I’m going to say anyway: The food was good but the company was better.

Me and our feast of starters. The crab cakes were superb and DD loved the candied bacon, which was really interesting. I thought it’d turn out like bak kwa, but no.

Our wood-grilled Barramundi, which was really good, though it looks a bit sad on a plate all by itself.

Coming back to find the kids already asleep was the icing on the cake.

It’s been a good 8 years, though like any married couple will tell you, it’s not always been easy, even when you love each other and are fully committed to the relationship. It is by God’s grace that two really different people can come together and stay together despite their differences, and still find it fulfilling. I’m glad we started out our marriage with an understanding of our God-appointed roles as husband and wife as I can tell you that it has made things that much smoother.

In this regard, I was also very distressed to learn that a website that encourages extra-marital affairs is planning to launch in Singapore. I have no words for someone who seeks to profit from something as morally reprehensible as ruining marriages. Especially if that someone is married with kids. Yes, there are people who cheat and who will cheat whether or not such a website exists. But that should not be a reason for allowing a platform which promotes and facilitates this, and worse, make it seem acceptable. I found it incredulous that the founder of Ashely Madison said he would be “devastated” if he found his wife on the site, and yet he still runs this business. I guess money is more important to him than moral values, feelings or relationships. (See also the views shared by A Juggling Mom and Missus Tay on this topic.)

For DD and I, our marriage is obviously not perfect, but it is something we treasure. I know that as a busy Mum, I am in danger of neglecting my husband while trying to tend to the many needs of the children. It is a balance that I’m trying to shift in the year ahead so that my husband knows that he matters to me too. Because he does. A marriage takes work, it takes prayer, but get it right and it will be worth the effort. When you honour God with your marriage, know that He will definitely honour you right back.

8 years young.