I realise that in my earlier post, I might have glossed over the fact that Noey has had to make huge adjustments since Naomi entered into our lives. While I think he is generally doing a good job of it, adjusting to having Mei-Mei around hasn’t been easy for Noey. This is a boy who is super sticky to Mummy and who has the attention of both his parents, plus our helper, plus all his grandparents, all the time. To suddenly need him to share that has been trying for him.
“I don’t love Mei-Mei!” he burst out once.
“Oh, Noey,” I said. “Really? But Mei-Mei loves you! Do you love Mei-Mei?”
“N-n…Yes, yes, yes,” he conceded.
These past couple of days have been particularly trying. Maybe it’s because of the need to have to adjust to school and the fact that he’s been more tired than usual as a result. Or maybe I jinxed it by writing about how well he’s been doing! Whatever it is, he’s been demanding solo attention from me and getting upset when I include Naomi in our activities.
“Shall we go outside? No, Mei-Mei cannot go! Only Mummy and Noey go outside and read a book. I want Mei-Mei to stay here,” he said today. “No! Mummy cannot read to Mei-Mei! She cannot talk!” he insisted when I suggested that we all go out and read a book together. “Mummy cannot carry 2 babies! It’s too heavy!” he said, when I offered to carry both of them out. (He wanted me to carry only him.)
He took away every toy I tried to give Naomi to play with. He tried to shove her off my lap. “Tummy time! Mei-Mei wants tummy time!” he told me. There were tantrums and there were tears.
I knew he just wanted attention so I cut him some slack, though I did tell him firmly that such behaviour was not acceptable.
It does break my heart though when he makes comments like “I want to be lost” and “Papa and Mummy don’t love Noey anymore”.
I spend a good 70% of my time with him alone, but sometimes it’s just not enough.
On these occasions, by the end of the day, all is forgotten. “I love you, Mei-Mei,” he said, before diving in to give her a kiss. And promptly turning to proudly inform his Papa that “I kissed Mei-Mei!”
These feelings of jealousy and displacement are a rite of passage older children I guess, when a new baby is added to a family. With the right encouragement and plenty of prayer however, I think he will be better for it.
Coincidentally, I recently came upon a piece of advice that it could be better to divert the emphasis on the new baby. As in, "mommy is busy right now, I have to change baby's nappy. I will play with you in a minute when I am done." instead of " baby's nappy is dirty! I have to change it for her". <br /><br />I just can't remember where I read that article. I will
@<a href="#c7475519853143837772" rel="nofollow">Kelly</a> hi kelly, i do do that actually, all the time! but sometimes he still just wants the attention now now now. ah well! it's just like that sometimes i guess. i think it's important to teach him that mei-mei needs mummy too, sometimes more than him. he might not like it, but it's part of learning to share and consideration for
While Bean Bean, if it's any comfort, I have been going through this for the last 6 months. Every morning starts with a "I don't want Mei Mei" for my boy (who's the same age as Noah). My girl's 9 months now. Tried everything… and praying every day. Ha..
@<a href="#c5874147516617261774" rel="nofollow">Elaine</a> hey elaine, thanks for sharing. i'll be praying with you that our sons love their mei-meis!